Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
