She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
