I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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