I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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