toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
