you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
