I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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