You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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