i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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