I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
