bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize