if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
