I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
