i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
