Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
