Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
