I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
