You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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