It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
