A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
