so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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