Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
