I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
