i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
