I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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