This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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