why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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