If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
