Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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