Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
