Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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