just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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