Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
