we're blogging at a bar
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
