i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
