dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
