I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
