He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
