Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
