don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
