This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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