she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
