the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
