He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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