I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
