I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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