i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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