Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
