Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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