Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
