This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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