4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
