And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize