I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
