i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
