This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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