It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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