4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
