I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize