i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
