I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
