Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
