Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
