I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
