I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
