ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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