Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
