im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize