is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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