HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
